Not for me

When I made mention of making a purse, another purse, Bubba looked at me like one would a toddler on a motorcycle - with concern and fear. As though saying with his eyes, "Do you think that's wise?" and "What the hell?" all at once. Plus I'm sure there was an undercurrent of "What item of mine shall I remove from the closet to make room for another one of your bags?" in there somewhere.

The poor man has been left no room at all in our closet. If he could fold his shoes to make more space, he would. Meanwhile I adopt shoes, bags and clothes of all types on a whim without a thought as to where they might go when they finally reach home.

It's a problem.

Back to the another purse thing though. I was able to stop the sweat beading on his forehead by assuring him that this bag would not be for me. No! It wouldn't be staying permanently in our home, taking up precious closet space and edging out his last pair of pants going missing amongst my ever-growing wrap dress collection.

Not to worry my fair lad - this purse is for mum!

My dear mum. Her purse has a broken zipper and she is trying ever so hard to jam all of its contents into a purse only half the size. And now this wee purse is getting stretched to lewd proportions from having to endure the stress. It's a bad, bad scene. And, I feel bad for the little purse. It had no intentions of ever carrying the complete contents of a true Mom Purse.

And, my friends, my mom invented The Mom Purse and she sure does know how to stuff it full of everything one could ever need.

Example: My mom had a stroke back in '01. Very, very scary - but she is AOK and we've moved on. Purse story here was that when I was staring at her every movement while she lay in the hospital bed (I'm a low-grade psycho) and in walked the nurse with meds, my mom quickly directed me to the exact location in her Mom Purse where I could find a zippie bag full of her meds AND a complete and accurate handwritten list of every medication AND it's dosage.

Had I also needed to dress a Christmas ham, neuter the dog, indulge in a paperback mystery, give myself a pedicure, get the address and/or phone number of any of our relatives/friends/neighbors/casual acquaintances/window washer, had a light snack, applied advanced first aid or blown my nose - I would have been well taken care of.

There is simply nothing that woman's purse is missing. Just not a single thing.

Back to present day where she is currently running around with a tiny stuffed meatball purse that can only carry half of her Mom Purse belongings due to her standard handbag being torn asunder. Dangerous territory.

Also dangerous is the fact that this standard handbag (and it's meatball counterpart) was handmade by my talented sister and, as such, is that much more valuable, coveted and perfect. She loves it very much - to the point of zipper failure.

And what did I volunteer to do? Why, put my ass right on the line and replace it of course!

I tell you, folks, I do not know when to shut my mouth or go quietly through a conversation without offering up some sort of solution. What am I? A man?

Oh, tee hee, that was a funny one.

Anyway, I opened my big fat girl mouth and offered to make her a new purse as the old purse was going to be retired (her decision, not mine) with its irreparable zipper and threadbare lining.

[Insert anxiety]

What if I make her a new bag and she:

1. Hates it but has to spend the next few years pretending she likes it because she is a Mom and that is what they do while staging an elaborate zipper failure so she can go back to my sister and request a real new purse
2. Loves it, but so much so that my sister feels like I've tried to upstage her when really all I wanted was to give my mom a place to stow her emergency response team
3. C. Starts to load it up with all of her Mom Necessities and it shreds to pieces due to my poor design/execution/fabric choices

Seriously, I'm sweating right now.

Regardless, I forged ahead and came up with a bag, designed and executed to my moms specifications which were few but precise:

1. Not too big (read: Also not at all small)
2. Pocket for keys
3. Zipper top

To which I added my own specs:

1. Built in organizer
2. Adjustable strap
3. Reinforced bottom and sides (to account for any, ahem, extra supplies)

After a surprisingly successful and swift (hello, rare) trip to the fabric store where I found, what I consider to be, fabric perfectly suited for me mum, complimenting D rings, matching zipper and a so-so (not my super favorite, but it matched) lining, I managed to design and craft a decent execution of the vision in my mind.

And for anyone familiar with the importance of My Visions, you know this is a big deal.

Anyway, it's done. And after some re-reinforcing of seams (I'm really afraid of the destruction/failure factor here) I will hand it off to Mom with my fingers crossed.








And I'll thank you to ignore the erratic stitching on the zipper lining.