So, you have a 1 year warranty, do you?

Let me say this first, the door is up.

Sorta.

In the sense that the hinges are attached to the door and the door can be hung from hand-hewn mortises courtesy of Bubba himself. At this very moment, however, the door is propped every so gently against our office wall awaiting one expert cut along it's bottom edge (to be performed under supervision by the very talented technicians at the lumber yard) and a lovely coat of shiny black paint.

But for all intents and purposes the door is "up" and that is no small feat.

It was a feat that literally took a village. A village of our neighbors congregating on our porch making sounds like, "Huhm..." and "From this angle it looks like..." and "What if you...". Thankfully these neighbors of ours are seasoned veterans when it comes to DIY and dealing with the aftermath of crappy "handymen". Since we all live in 100+ year old homes, there is a certain level of DIY-ness that comes with the territory, and let me just say THANK GOD.

It is thanks to our lovely neighbors that we:

1. Have a screen door that is level and will swing quietly shut once it's permanently hung
2. Are still speaking to one another
3. Didn't go off our collective nut and slice the door in half trying to get it *just right*

They provided just the right combination of advice, absence (sometimes leaving someone alone on their porch to swear to themselves is the right thing to do), sympathy and beer to keep us going on the project so that we could go to bed last night at least knowing that Part 1 of the door nightmare was over.

Part 2 - Parts 100 will require additional services, and beer, to be sure.

Today's fun project was calling the "handyman" company to advise them of the unhandy nature of their men. Our one particular man anyway. Reminding them of their "1 year warranty on all services" seemed to get them moving in the right direction. And you know I didn't even hesitate when they asked me how I'd "like to resolve the situation."

Um, gimme my money back and remove me from your mailing list.

They are supposed to call me back this afternoon with their final answer, but if it's anything other than, "Yes ma'am, we're ripping up your check at this very moment *shred* and will be publicly apologizing to you and your husband and your neighbors personally as we walk nude through your neighborhood wearing sandwich boards which read 'We are not handy men and our wieners are very small.", then I will repeat my wishes and await the appropriate response.

Woe be the service person who does not respect my authorit-I.