Vacation Brain

I'm sure I'm not the only one who gets a mad case of Vacation Brain in the days (weeks/months) before a long-awaited trip.

You know what I'm talking about: long bouts of staring out the window from your desk at work while you mentally pack your bag, long bouts of insomnia spent staring at the ceiling as the fan goes round and round while you mentally pack your bag, long bouts of staring at the WB on TV while you search wildly for the remote because you HATE THE WB and should really be watching SportsCenter while you mentally pack your bag, etc. Oh, and that doesn't even cover the other waking moments of the day that you spend either practicing the native language of the country you're about to visit or trying to conjugate it's many verbs.

It's virtually paralyzing. I don't think I've done any meaningful work all week. I doubt I've had a coherent conversation in at least three days. It's possible that most of my coworkers (and possibly hubby, too) think that I've taken a leave from my sanity since I've been spouting random bits of Italian whenever the mood strikes me and then quickly receding into my Vacation Brain haze.

And, we all know what's going to happen, I'm going to finally be in this place of my recent obsession and my mouth will slam shut. I won't be worried about conjugating any verbs - no - I'll be worried about spitting out, "Due cappucinno, per favore" at the bar in the morning. Even though this is a no-brainer right now, as I sit thousands of miles from Rome, safe from the expectant eyes of the Arrividerci/Buongiorno man at the bar by my friend's house.

I'll say it, native speakers scare me. They know I'm faking it. They know that my subject/verb agreement sucks wind. They know I can't remember how to say, "Maybe", most of the time. ("Forse"- see, right now, I can remember. One week from today, I will totally forget it at the most inopportune time and will instead say something dumb like, "Quizas" which is the wrong language altogether.) It's like I'm standing around naked a lot of the time, with only the most threadbare of rags to cover my bits.

Thankfully, visiting friends means I won't be nude. No, they provide the necessary shield from which I can emerge at random intervals to spout my "frase del giorno". Last time it was "Ale, sa dove andiamo?" (Ale, do you know where we're going?) Which I used often and unnecessarily since Ale is a native Roman and has never been witnessed getting lost. But there was verb conjugation in there and it was more than one word in a row, therefore, it became the cornerstone of my conversation abilities. Oh, and let's not forget my dedication to asking people at the New Year's dinner party whether they wanted "acqua frizzante or naturale" despite their clear gestures. I was obnoxious.

This time, I'm not sure what I'll be randomly banging on about, but I will have to do it after many glasses of wine and lots of native encouragement. I just hope I can avoid having the Tazza D' Oro lady paw through my wallet to get exact change. Perhaps I should be practicing saying, "Hey you crazy broad, get the hell out of my bag while I figure out which of these funny looking coins to give you."

Oh yes, my international savvy is really something.