Gardenblahblahblah goes purple

Dudes! It's been a really long time since I did the gardenblahblahblah and wow are there things to blahblahblah about. Garden-wise, anyway.

Last we met, I think I was worried about the potatoes dying a strange and mysteriously bug-free death for no reason. Yes, that was it. Well, I received some helpful advice from that post which I took as, "Hey, smartie, those plants aren't diseased, they're dying back. As in - the potatoes are getting ready for you to eat. So stop freaking out. Loser."

Even though I'm sure that's not what cake meant when she left the comment, but this is how I interpret things when I go on the internet to research their viability and then WHOA am faced with the truth of the situation. That being that my plants look exactly like the ones in the photos I found which are photos of potatoes dying back and preparing to be harvested.

OH.

So, they're small and the photo's out of focus. What do you want? Also remember, these are fingerlings, so they're supposed to be small.

Thank you, cake, for the direction. Muchly appreciated.

So, because I was so sure that this was the case with my Not Actually Dying potatoes, I went out and dug a few up. And don't you know that they were fine. Not huge, but tasty and fine. We ate them with some fish and beans and squash last Sunday and called ourselves Healthy for the night even though we had gone on a Taco Ride earlier in the day and scarfed our body weight in tacos al pastor.

Not important! Now we're eating vegetables and are saved.

Sorta Potato Salad. Recipe forthcoming.

And since we didn't die, I'm calling it good on the potatoes. Though you may be interested to know that NOW they are blooming and their greenery is growing back in places, so part of the plant may be having a mid-life crisis and part of it may be dying back, but soon all of it is going to get knocked over so that the Deal Seeing can be done.

As in, "What's the fucking deal, here, potatoes?"

You know.

And then there's the tomatoes. We have no problems with the tomatoes except for the fact that it's T minus 3 days until 4th of July, our annual First Tomato of the Season eating day, and none of the tomatoes are ripe. Because of the super extra cool, rainy and FRUSTRATING spring.

I'd be all pissed off and on fire if this one didn't look like it was starting to ripe right now.

Trust me. It's turning orange-y on that fat part in the front there. Really.

Beauty is that there are manyMANY more tomatoes on those three plants (down one from last year), so we should have plenty of tomatoes this season as long as my newest garden nightmare (which I have because I'm a garden loser) doesn't come true. That being - I walk out to the garden and find a stranger pointing at the plants, which are suddenly brown and lifeless, yelling, "Blight! Blight!"

I woke up screaming. Obvi.

And then I had to explain my "problem" to Bubba and then I started screaming again. It was terrible.

Anyway, I immediately went out to check on the plants and they all look fine. Green and not ripe, but fine otherwise.

Phew.

Then I had the nerve to go poking around the cucumber plants and LO there was a monster lurking in there.

"Why, hello deh, purty lady."

Not sure how he managed to get so huge since all the other baby cucumbers are baby-sized, but there he was, just dangling there like he was waiting for his fluffer or something.

And did you know that my green beans are purple? They are. And it's not even the result of some fucked up trick by the camera or anything. They are purple pole beans, growing all cute and happy alongside my Kentucky Wonder green beans and I can now vouch for their deliciousness because we've eaten them twice and neither time did they taste like fake grape even though that's what they look like they should taste like.

What?

Grilled Purple Beans recipe forthcoming, too.

Never mind. The important things to note with these beans are:

• They're purple rather than green.
• Their flowers are pink rather than white.
• When you cook them they turn back to green.
• The purple doesn't rub off.
• They're green on the inside

You laugh, but people have asked about all these things.

And now that you've learned so much in one day, I give you all permission to have a cocktail on me. Or just go on about your day. Enjoy.