Adopt a Crop update: Plus everything else update, too.

Hi, it's been a while...

When I flew back into the Bay Area on Friday the pilot got on the not-loud-enough intercom to announce that the ground temp in San Jose was a breezy 72 degrees.

Oh sweet mother, that's what I like.

Especially since when I took off from Phoenix, it was an even 100 degrees. And I was wearing a hoodie because apparently I'm easily influenced by the crazy heat-ignorers of the Phoenix area who wear cool weather clothes despite the face-melting temperatures outside.

Do you know that I saw MANY people wearing jeans in Scottsdale? Do you know that my best friend said to me upon arrival, "You're lucky to visit this week - the weather's been so nice - not even 100!"

To which I said, "Hi. Are you retarded?" and then, "I don't think I have enough sunscreen on. Even to be inside."

My skin was scared.

Anyway, I'm home. Back in the Bay Area where it was a glorious overcast 55 degrees for my 11 mile Saturday run in which I did not collapse under the weight of two weeks without a long run (remember Yellowstone and Yosemite? Yeah, no running happened.). Perhaps it was because I have managed to keep up my mid-week runs even though one of them happened in Phoenix and even though I ran at 6am and it STILL turned out to be nearly 90 degrees because WHOOPSY I got lost and ran an extra two miles trying to find my way back to my friend's house amongst a sea of pink and beige single family establishments thus tacking on a few extra minutes during which the sun went into SCORCH EVERYTHING mode.

*Sigh* Sometimes I'm the retard.

But, when I got home from a week of ritualistic sunscreen application (on myself, friends and goddaughter), I was rewarded with a garden that did not miss me one bit.

Go wherever you want and we will, too.

Also, while you were out, we made beans.

And we've been blooming.

And we're shading the lettuce just like you asked.

And we're knee-high by May 31st, which doesn't rhyme but is still impressive.

And we look like balls. Green ones. What does that mean?

And we've making cucumbers.

And we're full of green tomatoes.

And we're all glossy and shit.

And I got off my dead ass and started growing. Finally.

And I'm making up for lost time even though I look like a total loser next to those other tomato plants that MAY be on the 'roids but you didn't hear it from me.

Which is fine. Because I don't need the garden to miss me and throw itself into a Pining For Mama death-fit, I just need it to grow and make food and look all green and healthy so that when the neighbors come over to congregate in our backyard (which is happening with increased regularity what with the new patio) they don't think I'm a shitty gardener who can't even grow the simplest things.

I can't have that. I need them to all think I'm a master gardener even though I'm fairly certain it's all due to luck BUT WHATEVER.

And hey, that's something else - our patio is done. WOO.

Only the patio's done so don't be all "What's with the dead spot in your lawn?" because I'm handling that, OK?

I mean, WOO! Woo the fucking contractors are gone! Woo no one is blocking my driveway with a Bobcat or 5 cubic yards of crushed rock! Woo my neighbors have stopped peaking through the fence and are instead volunteering our backyard for cocktail hour.

"Uh. Hi neighbor. What's that? Why yes I am napping on my lawn at 3 in the afternoon in a sombrero and No, I don't find that strange. Also, feel free to come and go as you please because, you know, mi patio es su patio. I guess."

Oh well. At least I like these people. And at least the shitty neighbors haven't been inspired to make themselves at home over here or add to the ongoing fun-making of Girl Who Sleeps On The Lawn.

And Bubba loves it. The neighbor gathering and all. And I love the patio, so we're even. And I got to buy new patio furniture, which makes everything OK because we're going to be able to eat outside on a table like grown-ups and that is much better than spilling BBQ in your lap when it's acting as a table.

Plus, you know I now get to FINALLY landscape our backyard. Holy holy - that's good times. And what I plan to do for the next three weeks since I plan to do ZERO traveling beyond the library, pilates studio, nursery and perhaps the fabric store.

If you need me, I'll be in the backyard ripping out some lawn and not, say, flying to places on the globe where temperatures are regularly reported in three digits.