Monday, September 29, 2008

Yard fashion. Don't you call it pointless.

During a recent Goodwill purge, I finally gave away all the old and oversized Tshirts I'd been hoarding for no other reason than I had some absurd attatchment to their sentiment, logo, midwestern girl's bowling team of which I was not a member or otherwise.

I held on to them all for a long time, I guess under the assumption that one day I'd enjoy wearing unflatteringly large hot pink Tshirts advertising the Pink Lady Bowlers or that maybe Bubba would develop a festish for red XL tshirts proclaiming Wellman Family Farms as the pig farm of rural Indiana. 

Sure, that *could* happen, but I needed the drawer space for shirts that actually fit me and also proclaimed sentiments in which I believed. So, I Goodwilled the big sack of shirts and, after refolding everything in the drawer, realized I didn't have room for anything new but *could* now shut the drawer without having to do that hold everything down by force while sliding the drawer closed and almost slamming your hand in there thing. 

Good times. Tshirt issue resolved.

Then we did AIDS Walk and some nice woman from another team who I will not refer to by name snuck extra XL tshirts into our team's box to "thank us" for an unspecified reason which I do believe was "for taking some of these shirts so I don't have to carry them to the car."

Hey! Thanks lady! Next year you may find a folding table in your purse. As a token of our esteem, of course. Beotch.

Hey, no one said you had to be nice in order to raise money for a worthy cause. 


I've had this blue XL Tshirt with its logo so suspiciously similar to one our team has historically used BUT WHATEVER hanging out on the craft shelf for some time, awaiting its final form which would for sure not be that of an XL Tshirt. 

On comparison, it seemed that this Tshirt was a skoshe large for me.

Because who wears an XL Tshirt, I ask you, and also how come no one's ever off-loading Tshirts in a women's medium, for instance? And then, what the F am I going to do with this big ass shirt?

Ah, and then entered The Answer in the form of this CRAFT: blog post tutorial.

Make a cute draped neck top from a fugly too-big Tshirt? Yes, please.

Of course, there's nothing in the tutorial about wait two months and THEN make the top, but that's what happened until last weekend when I realized it was now or never because October is a big mess and BAM: New draped neck top for moi.

Future Tshirt abandoners: I wear a women's medium.
Now, yes, I should have cut the back of the top from the FRONT of the Tshirt so that I'd have had enough room to cut the front from the plain BACK of the Tshirt to avoid including the plagaristic logo, but well, sometimes these things happen and you end up with some random shit on your chest.

WOW. Moving on...

I was pretty excited about this little craft that turned a useless giant Tshirt into a cute casual top for $0 until Bubba asked me where I was going to wear it and I said oh, like to work in the yard or something and he rolled his eyes right at me because I'd just spent an hour making a yardwork shirt when he could have just reached into the easy shutting drawer and found one for me BUT WHATEVER. 

This is not about efficiency in yard attire, people, it's about yard fashion. I mean, how fun will it be to put this shirt on with my sorta worn-in yard jeans and go out to prune the lavender?


Anyway, if you've not yet shuffled all your big useless Tshirts off to the Goodwill, maybe you want some fancy yard fashion, too. Then we can all prance around with our pruning shears looking way hotter than those other yard whores in their ratty too big tshirts who are not sexy at all.

Because thinking you look hot when you really don't is all the rage in household delusion these days.


  1. wow. That is awesome. I'm impressed. At least you'll look fashionable doing yard work.

  2. First off, thank you once again for doing AIDS Walk. Secondly, I avoid all he sewing work by wearing all those XL Tshirts to do yardwork in because aphids don't care how I look.

  3. Nicely done on the AIDS walk.

    I'm making a quilt out of my old T-shirts. Or, at least, that's the 5 year goal...

  4. um, the Yard is like THE place to look hot. I am super impressed by this project.

  5. I fully admit to being a yard whore who does not look sexy at all (when working). I'm okay with that. Besides, I have this feeling that were I to wear that way-cute draped neck to actually work, it would quickly fill with dirt and insects, thereby leaving me with a chest-full of spiders and filth. And that is just not sexy AT ALL.

  6. I'm with Kristin. I'm an unsexy yard whore as well as a spastic crafter. Now if I can only think of clever adjectives for how I parent and cook, I'll have a new tag line for my blog.

    And don't any of you steal it, cause it's mine. Patent pending, patent pending, patent pending.

  7. Oh, and Nell, I have one word of advice for the t-shirt quilt... fusible interfacing. Which is two words, actually. Anyway, I made one for my daughter out of band t-shirts and the interfacing saved my ass. Literally. OK, not really. But it *is* wicked helpful.

    Finny, sorry for cluttering up your nice comment section with my ramblings.

    Also, Finny, that is an awesome top, but it says a lot about our differences because while you would consider wearing it out for yard work, I'd totally wear it out on the town.

  8. Katie - It may lose a little something when I put on my sombrero and all that shiny sunscreen BUT WHATEVER.

    Decca - And there is another example of why you are a more reasonable woman than I because I shouldn't care, but alas, I do. I'm very self-involved.

    Nell - That is the most impossible thing I've ever heard, but if you do it - I can't wait to see. I would never NOT EVER have the patience for this.

    dig - Thank you! I think you might be the only one who doesn't think I'm 100% off my nut.

    Kristin - It is possible that a tank top will be worn underneath this top. OR - when it's cold, a long sleeve shirt. Not so hot, but less bugs.

    Wendy - Oh Wendy - I have a feeling you're hot regardless of your yard attire. And I think we can all rejoice in our spastic craftiness. Although I won't use that term. I'll say spaz-like craftiness. Loophole...

    Also, I will wear this other places than the yard probably. I imagine it will make an appearance at work at least. Because I like my coworkers to see what a freak I really am.

  9. OK. This might sound convoluted. There are two other ways to wear these.

    Hold shirt in front of you, step into neck (yes, it has to be stretchy or you have to be a slip of a thing). Tie sleeves around waist. Voila! Instant skirt.

    This one is a bit more difficult. Hold bottom edge of shirt in hands, with neck hole and sleeves hanging down towards floor. Step INTO neck hole and slide up to just above your waist. Take bottom edge (actually at the top) and fold down over shoulders, creating an off-the-shoulder midi-top that's adorable.

    Well, it was all adorable when I was young and thin and lived in Hawaii. Maybe not so much with the muffin top now.

  10. Wow, I love that idea. I might have to steal, I mean, borrow it! I would wear this to a pool party. Not that there are any of those happening any more this year here in Colorado.

  11. love that kind of top, have been wondering how to make on for ages! i thought it might be quite easy, but didn't realise it would be that easy!! downloaded the tutorial. no idea how long it'll be before i get a chance, but... i have hope! and my husband has lovely well worn super soft T-shirts....


[2013 update: You can't comment as an anonymous person anymore. Too many douchebags were leaving bullshit SPAM comments and my inbox was getting flooded, but if you're here to comment in a real way like a real person, go to it.]

Look at you commenting, that's fun.

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Sucks, right?

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