Not your average pillow fight

When I was in college I used to host slumber parties at my apartment for my girlfriends and female coworkers (yes, some of those same ones) a couple times a year. To us girls this meant that we were all going to gather at my apartment and do most of the following:

-Eat a lot of pizza/junk food
-Drink a lot of Natty Light
-Watch girly movies including but not limited to: The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Father of the Bride, Pretty Woman and anything else with Molly Ringwald
-Wear our comfiest jammies, slippers, ponytails, zit cream
-Do the Cosmo Makeover on my old 486 computer
-Destroy the car of the first girl who fell asleep OR that of a victim of our choosing (typically one of our bosses)
-Play random boardgames
-Talk shit about a lot of people
-Eat a lot of pizza/junk food
-Drink a lot of Natty Light

To guys who heard about the slumber party, this meant:

-We were all going to strip naked, cover ourselves in whip cream and have an enthusiastic pillow fight where feathers would break free from the pillows and attach themselves to our sticky bodies as we rolled around on my floor and touched each others boobies while kissing in that porno-ish pointy tongue way.

Seriously, I heard the exact same story from every single guy.

And it appears that this visual scenario is embedded into the minds of every adult male, because when I mentioned my Girls Weekend to Bubba, he got the same look of lustful anticipation on his face that I first came into contact with after announcing the slumber party invite in the college newsroom, oh so many years ago.

Not to burst any boy bubbles (ew), but grown-up Girls Weekends are about the same, with only a few un-salacious changes:

-We go out for a very nice French dinner or cook elaborate gourmet meals instead of ordering in pizza
-We drink good wine and champagne instead of cheap beer
-The Devil Wears Prada has made an official place for itself in the movie reel
-We talk shit about different people
-We don't destroy things so much as we leave them "the way they were when we got there"

Oh, and now we extend these fetes over a weekend instead of concentrating them into one night of lewdless fun.

Personally, I'm loving the evolution of low-brow apartment sleep-overs into fine dining mountain spa retreats. Sure, it takes more planning and an adequate salary, but the true elements of a quality girlish escape still hold true.

Unfortunately, for all the naughty-minded men out there, this is about as much erotic behavior as was going on at the Girls Weekend:


Good thing there was plenty of food, drinks and PG entertainment to satisfy us girls. You know, so that we don't get bored and accidently take our tops off for a raunchy throw down in the hot tub or anything.

In fact, with the basketball watching and rampant four letter words (ok, so that was mostly me with the potty mouth) it could have been a guy's weekend. Save for the breast pumping and gourmet cooking, that is.

So, as much fun as all us girls had during our fab weekend away, it will likely come as a deep disappointment that although we have grown up a little bit since college, the things we want to do as a group when left to our own devices, has a much less erotic twist to it than most men fantasize about. I can hear little man hearts breaking across the blogosphere right now.

Waaaa.

Here's to a fabulously unporn-ish Girls Weekend - ladies you're all awesome and sexy (that was for the guys right there)